spirit_wolf8356 (spirit_wolf8356) wrote,

Thinking space

I'm going to attempt to lj-cut this. I've never done one before, but I don't want to take up a whole mess of space on the like, five communities I'm a member of. -.-;;

Okay, so, I need some space to think about my life. Rather important thing, that.

I need to move. It's not even really a want anymore. I need to do it, or I will go crazy this time. And it needs to be far away.

Why? So if things go wrong, physically, emotionally, monitarily, whatever, I have myself and God to rely on and that's it. I rely entirely too much on the people around me. I think I do, anyway. I know a lot of people see me as very independent, but that's not the case anymore. I rely heavily on the people around me to get through my day. Now, I'm by no means co-dependent. I don't need them to live, but I'm more than willing to accept their help.

I don't want to accept it anymore. I want to be able to, without a doubt, stand on my own two feet. As of right now, I take responsibility for hardly anything in my life. My sister pointed out that I could ask for the responsibility of paying for my bills, but I know that it would fail. I would be unwilling to do so once and Dad would give in and that would be the end of me having the responsibility. I don't do my own laundry, buy my own food, feed my own pet, feed myself half the time (in having my parents make my food for me), or other such things that make up daily life.

How am I supposed to ever be expected to live with someone else (i.e. a husband, not that I have any prospects at the moment) if I can't even take care of myself? How am I supposed to be his help-meet, if I'm unable to do anything for myself?

I want to give myself an ultimatum. I want to have myself, God, and my life, and that's it. I want to move to Texas, where I have one friend, who I probably won't see often. So I'll either make it on my own, or I'll go down in spectacular flames. But "all things work together for good for them that love God". That's a verse in Romans somewhere. I really believe that when I do this, God will help me. He promised He would, and there's no shame in relying on Him. He's the only one I don't mind relying on.

If I'm not moved out by the end of September, someone come by and drag me off. Please.
Tags: life
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